When self-care slips: 5 signs you're putting yourself last

I think many women reach midlife having become exceptionally good at looking after everyone else. We're often the people who remember appointments, organise meals, manage family commitments, support ageing parents and somehow keep everything moving alongside our own work and responsibilities.

And while there's nothing wrong with caring for other people, I've noticed how easily our own needs can slip down the list. We become so accustomed to being productive, dependable and available that taking time to look after ourselves can start to feel indulgent.

As a nutrition and eating psychology coach, I see this play out in women's relationships with food. Skipped lunches, rushed breakfasts, eating whatever's left over and feeling too exhausted to think about dinner can become completely normal. 

But here's something I think we need to challenge: looking after your basic needs shouldn't be something you have to earn by finishing everything else first.

Are you putting productivity before your wellbeing?

When we're constantly busy, it's easy to assume that feeling tired, overwhelmed or disconnected from our own needs is simply part of modern life. But chronic stress and excessive demands can take a toll on our physical and emotional wellbeing.

It's worth remembering that occupational burnout is something quite specific, relating to prolonged stress in the workplace. But you don't have to be experiencing burnout to recognise that you're feeling overwhelmed, stretched too thin or that your own needs have slipped to the bottom of the list. And for many women, those pressures don't end when the working day finishes. There's often a whole other set of responsibilities waiting at home.

I think it's useful to recognise some of the everyday patterns that suggest our own wellbeing is slipping down the priority list.

1. You're regularly skipping meals because you're too busy

Perhaps you head straight into work with a coffee, promise yourself you'll eat lunch later and suddenly realise it's three o'clock. Or you spend time preparing food for everyone else but don't get around to making something satisfying for yourself. Occasionally missing a meal isn't necessarily a problem, but if it becomes a regular habit because everything else feels more important, it's worth paying attention.

Your body still needs adequate energy and nutrients, regardless of how demanding your day happens to be. And eating well doesn't require elaborate meal preparation. Sometimes a simple sandwich with protein and vegetables, a substantial bowl of soup or a quick meal assembled from convenient ingredients is exactly what's needed.

2. You feel guilty when you're not being productive

Do you find yourself mentally running through your to-do list when you sit down? Or feeling that you should be doing something useful whenever you have a spare moment? For many women, productivity becomes so closely tied to self-worth that rest can feel uncomfortable. There's always another job to finish, another message to answer or something around the house that needs attention.

But your value isn't measured by how much you achieve in a day. Rest, enjoyment and time spent doing things simply because you like them are legitimate parts of a fulfilling life.

3. You're constantly putting everyone else's needs ahead of your own

This is something I feel particularly strongly about. How often do women compromise their own food preferences or nutritional needs because somebody else in the household doesn't like what they're eating?

Perhaps you're making separate meals, avoiding foods you enjoy or putting everyone else's preferences first because it feels easier than having a conversation about what you need.

Of course, eating together and accommodating different preferences are part of family life. But that doesn't mean your nutritional needs should consistently come last.

You deserve meals that nourish you, satisfy you and support your own health goals, just as much as anybody else in your household.

4. You're too exhausted to make decisions about food

When you've spent the day making decisions, dealing with responsibilities and responding to other people's needs, deciding what to cook can feel like one task too many.

And this is why I think we need to stop presenting healthy eating as something that requires endless planning, preparation and cooking from scratch.

Having a few reliable meals, keeping useful ingredients in the cupboard and making good use of convenience foods can make eating well considerably easier.

Frozen vegetables, tinned pulses, ready-cooked grains and other practical shortcuts aren't nutritional compromises. They're useful tools that can help you put a balanced meal together when time and energy are limited.

5. You've stopped making time for things that help you feel good

Perhaps you've stopped walking because work is too busy, you're no longer seeing friends as often or you can't remember the last time you spent an afternoon doing something purely for enjoyment.

Sometimes these changes happen gradually, and we barely notice how much space our responsibilities have begun to occupy.

It's worth considering whether you're simply going through a demanding period or whether the way you're living has become difficult to sustain.

And importantly, the answer isn't always to become better at managing your time. Sometimes the demands themselves need to change, whether that means sharing responsibilities, setting boundaries or asking for support.

What can you do when self-care has slipped

I don't think the answer is to give women another lengthy list of things they should be doing. If you're already overwhelmed, being told to meditate, exercise, cook nutritious meals and perfect your sleep routine can feel like yet another set of expectations.

Instead, start by identifying what's making looking after yourself difficult. Is it a lack of time, too many responsibilities, unrealistic expectations or simply not having an easy plan for everyday meals? Then consider one or two changes that could genuinely make life easier.

For nutrition, that might mean preparing a couple of breakfasts in advance, keeping ingredients for quick lunches available or agreeing that family meals need to work for you too. It might mean asking somebody else to take responsibility for dinner a few evenings a week.

And if you're experiencing persistent exhaustion, low mood, sleep difficulties or symptoms that are affecting your daily life, it's important to seek appropriate support from your GP. Not everything should be attributed to stress or menopause.

Make sound nutrition part of everyday self-care

One of the most helpful changes we can make is to stop treating our own nourishment as an optional extra. 

Eating regularly, choosing satisfying meals and giving ourselves permission to enjoy food are basic ways of looking after ourselves. They don't need to involve perfection, complicated rules or hours in the kitchen.

And if taking some of the decision-making out of mealtimes would make life easier, that's exactly why I created my Nourished Metabolism meal plans. They're designed to provide practical, balanced meals with the planning already done, helping you eat well without having to think about every nutritional detail.

Because looking after yourself shouldn't always be the last thing on your list.

Explore the Nourished Metabolism Meal Plan Collection

Josie Jones
Nutrition and eating psychology coach